I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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