and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
