We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
