i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
