i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
