Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize