Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
