do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
