The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
