He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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