does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
