honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
