i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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