but the lizard people decide everything anyway
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
