I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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