didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
