i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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