Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
