I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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