When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
