I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
