in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
