Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize