May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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