Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
