so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
