I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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