He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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