i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
that's an acceptable place to lick
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
