I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize