2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
