Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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