I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize