I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
