somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
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