pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Randomize
