Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
