walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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