Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize