My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Found your dick twin last night
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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