remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
