I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
