Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
