you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
