Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
