I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
