hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
