I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
