Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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