sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
