Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
