I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
