i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
