so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
