I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
