champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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