i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
