he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
