You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
