I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
