Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
