he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
This baby is an asshole
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
