I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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