I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
