I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I can't turn off my feet"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
