Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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