If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
