I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize