Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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