She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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